Think twice

My friend is having a problem with her husband. The issue only started with a call that came in 1 am in the morning to her hubby's phone. Who would call a guy in wee morning ? If it is about business , why can't the person call the next morning during office hours ? If the call from a friend, can't you call your friend the next day ? How urgent it can be until you can't wait until the next morning ?

They didn't talk for days after she confronted the husband for the truth. It can be easily solved if he can convinced her it is a wrong number or a friend called to say someoned died...or something that is really reasonable.

Days are wasted because we can't communicate to each other. I think this is almost normal in any other household. When we can't say the truth, we rather let it pass and then pick up where we left off.

We use to regret for the things we did in the past. We can learn from other people mistakes. But sometimes over and over again, the same mistakes are done. And the reason is the person consciously and subconsciously is aware the choice that he/she is making will hurt the partner but still he/she does not think twice before proceeding with the action. Who can we blame when these things happen ? We can't blame anyone except ourselves

If we have a good partner, he/she will accept us anyway although the mistake we have done is almost unforgivable. That's the only way to stay in the relationship. According to statistics, 80% of a couple will give their partner a second chance. Only 20% would seek total separation. Based on this statistics we know that majority of us would like to stay in the relationship and we will try our best to mend things.

My point is only ONE. Before we do anything, we are able to think. So do not think ONCE. Think TWICE before embarking into an action that can hurt someone else.

Never Assume

Everyday we are faced with challenges especially in relationship. To maintain a relationship does not need us to work hard. I have read somewhere that if we need to work really hard to maintain our relationship with our partner, it will definitely make us very tired and undesirable.

A true relationship will flow throughout time just like a river. Over time,some of the river banks will change slowly according to the river current. Similar to our relationship, we can't force to change the flow of our relationship overnight. Something forceful can break any soft string that we have with our partner.

If we have a good partner (in whatever sense), we have to be grateful. To find someone that can take care of our hearts and appreciate our existence seem normal and desired by anyone but in reality, that person does not exist. The person we fall in love with may change over time. The love that we have for this person may fade slowly if this person keeps "hurting" us, not physically but mentally too. Once in a while, there will be "storm" in our home. So, be prepared when the storm arrives. We will never know when it will be coming. Preparation is key. We should not lose sight of what we want in a relationship. We should not be blinded with the problems we have at hand. We must at all times be focus on the holistic view of our relationship.

As human being, we will try our level best to save our relationship. But it will never work if we are the one that is interested in keeping the relationship. If the other party is uncaring, the efforts to save it seems worthless. Our feeling may change from love to hatred once our efforts prove to be futile.

When do we know that our relationship is not worth keeping ? NEVER ASSUME ! Do not assume that our partner does not love us if he stays at home, watch tv, reading newspaper. He lets us check his handphone any point in time. He seems oblivious that this world is full of beautiful ladies. For guys, faithful partners will shower you with her love until the day you break her heart.

And never assume that if he/she comes home late, like to play with his/her handphone, he/she is unfaithful. Maybe this is the only way our partner is releasing his/her tension. "Yeah right...as if there is no other way of releasing tension..." emmmm....everyone has his opinion...

Nevertheless, If there is an episode in our life that our partner commits something that hurts us, never assume that this is the end of the world. Everybody makes mistake regardless big or small. In life, one of the ways for us to learn is to learn from big mistakes. We need to stand up after a big fall. Learn to take the baby steps again in trusting our partner. It is not easy but if we like to stay with our partner, then this is the only way to do. And our partner must give us the assurance that the big mistake will never happen again.

Control

When you think you can control things around you, over and over again, you will be proven wrong. you can't control the grey hairs that grow on your head. You can't control the cholesterol that is happily sticking to your blood veins. So conclusion, you can't control your body mechanics. You can't control the weather. You can't control the road traffic. So conclusion, you can't control what nature offers you. And, what matters most, You can't control how much people love you..If there is such tool or equipment to measure the love you receive from people, I am sure the tool will be the most attractive gift during any festive season

That it hits me. What we can control ? Nothing much I guess. The only thing we can control is what we give to people. Love, money, smile, happiness, good vibes, anger, hate, tears, good words, bad words, curses, bad wishes, good prayers...so conclusion, what we can control is what within ourselves.

In return, we cannot control what we will receive from others once we control ourselves. At this moment, I do have regrets in my life. I wish I can turn back time and take back all the anger I have in the past. But I can't. All I wish now is to exercise good control of my anger. Which is difficult. I wish I can throw this anger to the sea and let the sea swallows it.

Although we know that we can control our emotions,sometimes we are overcome by them. We succumb to the situation. We can't fight the tears that come running down the cheeks. But then, once the tears are all dried up, we would be feeling much better as if the tears have wipe out all the pain we have in our hearts.

I have not met anyone who is happy 100% of his life. For people whom we thought have everything, they are still sad. They feel lonely. When I think of MJ, he has everything, fame, money, etc...but he could not sleep. So conclusion, everyone has his own problem.

I learnt from a book. A problem is something that has a solution. If the problem has no solution, then it is not a problem. So why you need to think about a problem which does not have a solution? So why we need to control something that is not within our control ? Yeah, we as humans just love challenge...keep on adding problems to our basket. The funny thing is, the basket magically growns as the problems grows.

So I am telling myself now. S U R R E N D E R.....D O N O T T R Y T O C O N T R O L what Y O U C A N T C O N T R O L..

Just enjoy the free oxygen, smell the lilies, smile at people, and surrender yourself to what God will offer you. Once you surrender, you will be surprise of what lies ahead of you....

Amazing people

I found this video in one of my friend's facebook status update. Amazing ! I just kept on reading and reading while watching the baby moved.

In life, we would come across amazing people. They have gone through heartaches that I am sure many of us would wonder if we can overcome them if we are face with the same challenge.

Usually when I am feeling down, I would always remind myself that I am luckier than many of the people out there. Especially the ones who are facing cancer. For me, that is one of the ultimate challenges God bestows among us. Facing pain everyday, the strength that cancer patients have in order to be better is truly amazing. If you read the comments beneath this video, many of the commentors wrote that amazing things only happen to amazing people because only amazing people can handles such "amazing gifts".

This video really inspires me to be thankful on what I have today. http://www.godvine.com/Mother-s-Inspiring-Video-About-her-Blind-Baby-Boy-1484.html

Sorry for my mistake

It is very common for people to apologize once they realize they have done a mistake. Or better still, someone catch them doing a mistake. Some people just can't resist an opportunity to do something really bad and hope they can get away with it. Nameless in politics, in the office and in relationship.

But if they are repeat offenders, should we accept their apology? What is the basis of the apology acceptance? Because we are too nice or because we do not like confrontation ? Or because we love our politicians, office colleagues or our partner too much? Where do we draw the line that enough is enough ? I do not have the answer. And I know no one knows the answer. Some people due to some reasons can accept the apology from repeat offenders. Some people due to high self respect, they can't accept the breach of human integrity.

I for one, cannot accept repeat offenders. For me, you can never repeat the same mistake within a small frame of time. For example, you have a colleague who just love to take your things without asking and assume if we do not say anything, it is forgotten and forgiven. You reminded him once, then 2 weeks later, he repeats the act. Can you accept his apology ? Ok, lets say we accept his apology. Then before we can forget the incident, he does it again and then apologize. Now what ?

This situation can also apply in our private life. So, the question is how far we can forgive and forget ? I am still looking for the answers. I will have this item on the parking lot. We review it again in the future if we have better clues on how to deal this kind of situation...

The New Generation

At work we had a discussion on how to relate and manage these new youngsters. As every manager is currently facing, this Gen Y has a way of doing this. Gen X usually do our work as FIFO - First In First Out. Gen Y is LIFO. I thought it is Last In First Out. But my counterpart said it is Like It First Out. I couldn't help laughing...Wow...that is a revelation. If the task is really important but the person does not like to do it, it will be put at the bottom of the priority list.

And as a result of yesterday's discussion, i google a bit on this Gen Y. Amazingly, there are a full load of discussion on this mere topic. In many articles, they said that Gen Y are lazy although they are IT savvy.

Based on my personal experience with 5 Gen Y at home, my conclusion - it boils down to one fact : They are brought up when the technology at its peak. Google, Facebook, Yahoo, Iphone, etc etc... As such, everything is by the fingertips and everything must be exciting and fast

As such, at workplace

1. work must be exciting

2. work must be very short..if it is long winded, they will lose the focus

3. Money must be good. Because they need to keep up with the latest phones, gadgets and definitely must be at par with their peers

4. They love to socialize at work. They will believe in equality in actual sense.

5. They are emotionally driven.


So as managers, we must take into accounts all the above in order for us to enjoy working with them and to retain them. However, do not expect them to stay loyal. I think their motto would be "You should see how hard i work in your company, not how long I stay"...hahahhaha...stay cool managers...this will be a new challenge for the Gen X managers. Anyway, if we can handle big recessions, Gen Y will not stop us from performing at work.


Have a good day at work.

True happiness

When you love someone, you will feel that the world belongs to you. You will wake up with happiness. The whole world is full with laughters. You cant wait to hear his voice over the phone. You keep looking at the phone, just waiting for his sms. For every opportunity you have, you will mention his name. Your friends, relatives, family will definitely know how much you adore him. As time goes by, over a period of time, you need to keep the feeling going. The question is, how to maintain the level always ? The answer is it will fade slowly. However, this passion will be replaced with other feelings. I truly believe a succesful relationship must have three pillars. Honesty, fidelity and responsibility.


Missing any of this pillars, the relationship will be doomed. Some people can live with it. Many of us do not. Some of us decide to live with a partner that only provides them economic securities only. There isnt any right or wrong way of living. Nobody forces us to make any decision.


For me, true Happiness is actually what we decide to create. That is the only way. If we expect other people to make us happy, we may be dissappointed. So lets create that world in our hearts. The world where we are the driver of our own happiness. We may get hurt along the way. We may face challenges throughout our journey. But we can go to our world in our hearts to get serenity and the purpose of our being. Which is, to be happy with ourselves.

I don't care

I am arranging my thoughts while typing. I am not a writer. Or anything to do with publishing. It is just that i like to write.

Whether it make sense of not, at this moment in time. i do not care.

Fairness in everything

I believe in fairness and I think everyone in the right mind believes it too. Only the people with left mind think otherwise. I believe if you have 4 wives, you must be treat them equally. If you have 4 kids, you should not practice favoritism although your youngest one is the only boy in the family. If you have 4 best friends, you should share your secrets among them. If they found out you did not, they could revoke you as their best friends.


Having said that, I believe that we need to have a clean and fair election. But being totally stupid and ignorant of current politics, I am confused. Let’s say, in the next election, the names of the dead people have not been cleared up, there are people who have become citizens over the night. If the people who do not believe that we have a fair election won the seats in the election, should they reject the seat just purely because the total election is unfair? If you do not believe the election was done fairly, but you won a state, why should you want to accept to rule the state then? Honestly, this is my opinion and mine alone. I actually can’t see any leaders that are truly truly “bersih” from both right and left wings. Everybody has his shortcomings. Everybody has his own secret agenda. Needless to say, if you are given a life time opportunity to strike gold and run with it, how many of us will pass that chance? The fun thing will be is not to get caught ! Bottom line is, we need to let the less of two evils to run the country. Until now I am wondering which one is less evil. Emmm....

I hear you but ....

Today, my urge for writing came. i love to write. Actually i love to talk. But not to anyone or everyone. But now, talking is not a choice. I feel that you can only talk if the other party likes to hear you and listen to you. But it also depends on the situation. At work, you need to talk in order to get your message across. Some people take this one step higher by shouting or just state what needs to be done. I don't think that is talking....talking is actually two way streets where both parties are interested in the content of the conversation. Outside the realm of office and business related meeting, talking is just an expression of feeling.If the person loves you, you may talk totally rubbish, but he/she will still entertain you. If the love is no longer exist, although what you are talking about is considered important, the person will hear you but I am not sure if the person is listening to you. So what is the purpose then of talking to that person ?


Hearing and listerning are two different things. In many occasions, people would tell me after a meeting "I hear you but it does not mean I listen to you?" My reply was "Huh?"...but now I understand after going thru years of working with the non-talking group. What can i say is...we need to find the alternative routes for such characters...